“Bitter on the tongue, sweet for the tummy” is an old saying meant to remind us that what tastes bitter at first can still be good for us.
Black coffee is an acquired taste. Almost no one takes their first sip and says, “Wow, that has an amazing flavor!” Most of us begin with cream and sugar. Then, little by little, we remove the sweetness until we finally learn to enjoy the coffee itself.
The journey toward true partnering is a lot like learning to drink your coffee black. There may be ten levels of removing the cream and sugar before you can finally let go and really connect. Each step becomes a little more bitter on the tongue as you learn to release all that is ME in favor of all that is US.
The Leader’s Journey: Set the Tether, Then Listen
The leader’s journey is one of learning to set tether points for a partner to stretch away from. Those tethers must be set with confidence. They must be firm, but they must also remain flexible when the partnership asks for something different.
A leader meets their partner where they are in that moment.
The three moves you planned in your head go right out the window if your follower is on the “wrong” foot at the end of the last pattern. The leader’s part of US has less to do with planning ahead and everything to do with rolling with the follower’s cadence after she tethers.
The follower’s center becomes the metronome by which the partnership keeps time.
The Follower’s Journey: Recognize and Resolve
The follower’s job is to keep consistent timing for the partnership by remaining open to the leader’s tether points. Once a tether point is identified, the follower stretches away from it through the resolving triple.
A follower does not simply move down the slot under their own power. The follower’s slot is essentially the line drawn from her furthest stretch point back to the leader’s tether point.
That line is not planned by one person. It is discovered by two.
The Bitter Part Is Letting Go
The payoff is worth it when you become able to dance with anyone. The bitter part is letting go of your ego long enough to allow real connection to happen.
Whose “fault” it is, what the outcome was supposed to be, and what the intended pattern should have looked like are all ego-driven concepts. They keep us focused on ME.
True partnership replaces those questions with something much quieter:
Where are we?
And the partnership answers:
We are right here.
That answer arrives just in time for the beginning of the next figure.
From ME to US
True connection is yin and yang existing in total opposition and total harmony. The leader confidently offers a tether. The follower honestly reveals where that tether leads. Neither person forces the result, and neither person disappears.
They let go of what the dance was supposed to be so they can feel what the dance actually is.
That may taste bitter at first. But once you learn to dance without all the cream and sugar of ego, plans, blame, and expectation, the connection itself becomes the sweetest part.
Here is a great video example of 2 people letting go of their egos and dancing for a common goal. There is $10,000 on the line, the song is not that great, and she is 10x the dancer he is…Watch how none of that matters as they both release their egos and join their partnership!