Let Go of Me. Find Us: The Bitter Path to Better West Coast Swing Connection

West Coast Swing dancers creating connection through a flexible tether point

“Bitter on the tongue, sweet for the tummy” is an old saying meant to remind us that what tastes bitter at first can still be good for us.

Black coffee is an acquired taste. Almost no one takes their first sip and says, “Wow, that has an amazing flavor!” Most of us begin with cream and sugar. Then, little by little, we remove the sweetness until we finally learn to enjoy the coffee itself.

The journey toward true partnering is a lot like learning to drink your coffee black. There may be ten levels of removing the cream and sugar before you can finally let go and really connect. Each step becomes a little more bitter on the tongue as you learn to release all that is ME in favor of all that is US.

The Leader’s Journey: Set the Tether, Then Listen

The leader’s journey is one of learning to set tether points for a partner to stretch away from. Those tethers must be set with confidence. They must be firm, but they must also remain flexible when the partnership asks for something different.

A leader meets their partner where they are in that moment.

The three moves you planned in your head go right out the window if your follower is on the “wrong” foot at the end of the last pattern. The leader’s part of US has less to do with planning ahead and everything to do with rolling with the follower’s cadence after she tethers.

The follower’s center becomes the metronome by which the partnership keeps time.

The Follower’s Journey: Recognize and Resolve

The follower’s job is to keep consistent timing for the partnership by remaining open to the leader’s tether points. Once a tether point is identified, the follower stretches away from it through the resolving triple.

A follower does not simply move down the slot under their own power. The follower’s slot is essentially the line drawn from her furthest stretch point back to the leader’s tether point.

That line is not planned by one person. It is discovered by two.

The Bitter Part Is Letting Go

The payoff is worth it when you become able to dance with anyone. The bitter part is letting go of your ego long enough to allow real connection to happen.

Whose “fault” it is, what the outcome was supposed to be, and what the intended pattern should have looked like are all ego-driven concepts. They keep us focused on ME.

True partnership replaces those questions with something much quieter:

Where are we?

And the partnership answers:

We are right here.

That answer arrives just in time for the beginning of the next figure.

From ME to US

True connection is yin and yang existing in total opposition and total harmony. The leader confidently offers a tether. The follower honestly reveals where that tether leads. Neither person forces the result, and neither person disappears.

They let go of what the dance was supposed to be so they can feel what the dance actually is.

That may taste bitter at first. But once you learn to dance without all the cream and sugar of ego, plans, blame, and expectation, the connection itself becomes the sweetest part.

Here is a great video example of 2 people letting go of their egos and dancing for a common goal. There is $10,000 on the line, the song is not that great, and she is 10x the dancer he is…Watch how none of that matters as they both release their egos and join their partnership!

The West Coast Swing Small-Step Drill for Better Connection

The Small-Step Drill Every West Coast Swing Dancer Needs to Master

In West Coast Swing, your baseline step size should be about the length of your own foot. Staying inside that small step is what lets the connection between leader and follower switch cleanly between **A-frame** and **V-frame** — and it’s the difference between a dance that flows and one that fights itself.

Why Step Size Matters in West Coast Swing

When both dancers take small steps, nothing gets missed. Leaders have plenty of time to prepare and deliver their lead, and followers arrive at that lead with the energy and timing they need to execute the figure cleanly. Small steps aren’t about looking dainty — they’re what make the connection legible in real time.

What Happens When Step Sizes Don’t Match

Step size only works as a system if both partners commit to it. If one dancer takes the right-sized steps and the other doesn’t, the dance limps along and most leads get lost along the way.

– **If the follower takes giant steps:** the leader has to work much harder to send strong, clear signals just to get a response.
– **If the leader is the giant-stepper and the follower stays tight:** the follower ends up doing all the work to keep up and interpret the lead.

Either way, mismatched step size breaks the shared timing that West Coast Swing depends on.

The Small-Step Drill: 6-Count and 8-Count Patterns

This drill is built to help both leaders and followers train smaller steps without losing musicality. It runs through the two major footwork patterns in West Coast Swing — the 6-count and the 8-count — and ends with a whip that rewards both partners for keeping their steps small.

The catch: you only make it to the payoff at the end of the whip if you keep your steps small the whole way through. Big steps break the drill before you get there.

How to Run the Drill

1. Get into a normal West Coast Swing slot with your partner.
2. Set the rule before you start: no step longer than the length of your own foot.
3. Run the 8-count whip, focusing on stepping with your partner’s connection on each step.
4. Run the 6-count pattern with the same focus.
5. Finish by leading/following the whole sequence  — if your steps stayed small throughout, you and your partner should arrive at the end in sync, with the connection intact.
6. Reset and repeat, gradually adding musicality once the step size feels automatic.

 Frequently Asked Questions

**How big should your steps be in West Coast Swing?**
About the length of your own foot. That size gives both partners enough time to prepare and deliver a lead, and enough time to receive and execute it.

**What happens if my partner’s steps are a different size than mine?**
The dance loses timing. A giant-stepping follower forces the leader to send harder, more forceful signals to get a response. A giant-stepping leader forces the follower to work overtime to catch and interpret the lead.

**What are A-frame and V-frame in West Coast Swing?**
They’re the two basic connection shapes between partners — A-frame is a connection with tension pulling the partners together (like the sides of the letter A), and V-frame is a connection where the arms extend outward with space between partners (like a V). Small, consistent steps are what let a couple switch between the two smoothly.

**Who is this drill for?**
Any West Coast Swing dancer working on connection — beginners building the habit of small steps, and more experienced dancers cleaning up footwork before adding musicality or styling.

Combine what you just practiced with the information from this article series 

*Written by Mr. Jonathan, West Coast Swing instructor based in Salem, NH. A 23 year veteran swing dancer, coach, and competitor.

Want to learn how to swing dance? Join our weekly Thursday night class at the Roma Restaurant 29 Middlesex St, Haverhill, Ma from 6:45-7:45pm with guided practice till 8:30pm…It’s a drop in class with no signups and is pay as you go.  Here is a video of the basics

Connection Creates Direction

Connection Creates the Direction. It’s a simple sentence, at first blush, but if we dive into how it relates to leaders leading and follower’s following it proves to be quite powerful. Here is the story of how I came to discover this concept.

When I started following, 20+ years ago, I would move forward on count one because it was count one. Most of the time I would blow by the lead and realize, after it was too late, that I missed something…Connection. West Coast Swing (and the world) had not gone through any form of de-gendering. Back then 99.99% of men lead and 99.99% women followed.

Asking another man to dance was daunting task. I was on a mission to improve my connection as a follower. I was known for being a good leader so the expectations were always higher than I could deliver as a follower. With most leaders I had one shot to “impress” and I blew it time and time again. In those days I could dance 6 nights a week as a leader and maybe score one single yes to dance as a follower. No one has been turned down more than I have.

It was around this time I met Ramiro Gonzalez (click his name to see us dance). Ramiro was/is as good at following as leading. After leading him a handful of times, I worked up the courage to ask him to lead me. The dance began terribly…Ramiro, being a seasoned instructor, recognized right away what the issue was and made suggestions while we danced. We took turns swapping who was leading many more times that weekend and something clicked in my body.

The major shift was from “thinking about what to do” to “feeling where to go.” It no longer matters to my brain what the leader is actually leading. What matters is that I “back into” or “press into” the connection. When I began letting the connection create the direction, I never went back. Connected dancing is like riding a bike…once you do it you can never not do it!

This is the lesson plan I used to teach this concept:

Connection is a Universal Language

Connection is a universal language. It’s so universal that when I have one of my main video partners record a figure with me, 95% of the time they do not know what is coming and we tape the figure in one shot. The other 5% is because I forget where I am and have to start over. The leading and following after a certain point becomes second nature and doesn’t need any help for any other language to get expressed.

Just like learning a new language some parts of connection are exactly as they appear and others seem counter intuitive. One thing that connection is not is intermittent. In the same way a pitcher must stay connected to the ball with their follow thru; dancers must stay connected with each other through the entire figure.

Leaders should be looking to be clear and precise so there is no guess work for the follower and no chance they could “pick the wrong direction.” Followers must resist the urge to anticipate any portion of the figure by “riding the leaders lead” aka “staying in the pocket.” Imagine if the baseball was able to anticipate the pitcher’s throw and left the hand early? It would be chaotic!

I have a couple of drills that I do to keep myself in the pocket when I follow that are based on Oppositional Reflex. When pushed a good follower pushes back…When pulled a good Follower pulls back…Every one of my Classes has drills that will get you Connecting Universally!

Show off Your Partner

You always want to show off your partner when you attend an event that has dancing. The show stoppers are always the grandparents that did ballroom dancing for years and watching them makes you want to do it so bad doesn’t it?

There is no time like the present to get you and your partner on the same page when it comes to dancing. Thursday nights at the Roma Restaurant in Haverhill, Ma (29 Middlesex St) we have a beginner friendly group of dancers that want to help your journey.

Class lasts for one hour and always starts off with beginner basics. Each 15 minute block builds on the last and before you know it you have a few patterns memorized. Following the lesson we have a guided practice session for one hour. Ask for as much or as little help as you want.

After just 2 or 3 classes you will feel very comfortable and capable of showing off your partner! Classes are a drop in format, they are stand alone (you can miss one and not get behind), and the best part is you do not even need a partner. We rotate partners every few turns so we can get the best out of each turn.

Here is the biggest selling point of this program. There is no stress! No one is using class to get ready for their next competition. No one is there to blame anyone for missed leads or missed follows. Everyone is in class to become a better dancer and to be the rising tide that raises all the ships. You will come to class a stranger and you will leave a part of our family!

Roma Restaurant
29 Middlesex st
Haverhill, Ma
$20
6:45-7:45pm Easy Swing Lesson
7:45-8:45pm Guided Practice

You can do this too!