Mr. Jonathan’s World

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Let Go of Me. Find Us: The Bitter Path to Better West Coast Swing Connection

West Coast Swing dancers creating connection through a flexible tether point

“Bitter on the tongue, sweet for the tummy” is an old saying meant to remind us that what tastes bitter at first can still be good for us.

Black coffee is an acquired taste. Almost no one takes their first sip and says, “Wow, that has an amazing flavor!” Most of us begin with cream and sugar. Then, little by little, we remove the sweetness until we finally learn to enjoy the coffee itself.

The journey toward true partnering is a lot like learning to drink your coffee black. There may be ten levels of removing the cream and sugar before you can finally let go and really connect. Each step becomes a little more bitter on the tongue as you learn to release all that is ME in favor of all that is US.

The Leader’s Journey: Set the Tether, Then Listen

The leader’s journey is one of learning to set tether points for a partner to stretch away from. Those tethers must be set with confidence. They must be firm, but they must also remain flexible when the partnership asks for something different.

A leader meets their partner where they are in that moment.

The three moves you planned in your head go right out the window if your follower is on the “wrong” foot at the end of the last pattern. The leader’s part of US has less to do with planning ahead and everything to do with rolling with the follower’s cadence after she tethers.

The follower’s center becomes the metronome by which the partnership keeps time.

The Follower’s Journey: Recognize and Resolve

The follower’s job is to keep consistent timing for the partnership by remaining open to the leader’s tether points. Once a tether point is identified, the follower stretches away from it through the resolving triple.

A follower does not simply move down the slot under their own power. The follower’s slot is essentially the line drawn from her furthest stretch point back to the leader’s tether point.

That line is not planned by one person. It is discovered by two.

The Bitter Part Is Letting Go

The payoff is worth it when you become able to dance with anyone. The bitter part is letting go of your ego long enough to allow real connection to happen.

Whose “fault” it is, what the outcome was supposed to be, and what the intended pattern should have looked like are all ego-driven concepts. They keep us focused on ME.

True partnership replaces those questions with something much quieter:

Where are we?

And the partnership answers:

We are right here.

That answer arrives just in time for the beginning of the next figure.

From ME to US

True connection is yin and yang existing in total opposition and total harmony. The leader confidently offers a tether. The follower honestly reveals where that tether leads. Neither person forces the result, and neither person disappears.

They let go of what the dance was supposed to be so they can feel what the dance actually is.

That may taste bitter at first. But once you learn to dance without all the cream and sugar of ego, plans, blame, and expectation, the connection itself becomes the sweetest part.

Here is a great video example of 2 people letting go of their egos and dancing for a common goal. There is $10,000 on the line, the song is not that great, and she is 10x the dancer he is…Watch how none of that matters as they both release their egos and join their partnership!

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Yelling Is Loud, Whispers Are Effective

Man mid-shout in a spotlight, illustrating the contrast between yelling and a quiet, effective whisper

The most effective teacher I ever had, when it came to regaining control over a class that had become too loud, had a knack for getting progressively more quiet as he talked about what the consequence might be for students who couldn’t maintain their composure during study period. The whisper was driven home far harder and deeper than any teacher who ever yelled to command attention. Communicating with a whisper invites your partner — or your classroom — to join you on the same page, rather than adding more chaos to an already chaotic situation.

What a Whisper Teaches You About Command

A whisper works because it asks something of the listener: lean in, quiet down, pay attention. Yelling asks nothing — it just adds volume to a room that already has too much of it. The teacher who got quieter as the room got louder wasn’t losing control. He was making the room come to him.

Leading and Following Work the Same Way

Leading and following are no different. If both partners are seeking to meet each other where they are, their connection, movement, and stretch must become more subtle.

A leader taking the first step on count one might get their hip moving first and shorten that first step to match where they need the follower to be. A follower might sink into the leader’s lead to feel how long that step actually is, and match it, rather than simply moving forward because “that’s what the basic calls for.”

Both of these are small, quiet adjustments — the dance equivalent of a whisper instead of a shout.

The Real Obstacle: Ego

The most difficult part of partner dancing is giving up our ego. “This is how I do it, so this is how you should do it, so we get the result we’re after” is an ego-driven approach. Several high-level dancers partner and teach their classes exactly this way — and they always hit a ceiling.

Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

Stephen R. Covey’s quote is a useful hint here: “Seek first to understand, and then to be understood.” Lead in such a way that you can follow your partner’s interpretation of your lead. Follow by feeling where your partner is, and meet them there.

What It Actually Takes to Practice This

This concept is easy to type up in an email. Putting it into practice is another matter entirely. It requires you to check your ego at the door, be okay with complete failure in your own dancing short term so you can master true connection long term, and let go of “right or wrong” and care only about whether you did or didn’t meet your partner where they are.

There is great power in a partnership with the common goal of connection over everything else. That is the shift from individual certainty to replacing ME with US in West Coast Swing.

Here’s the lesson plan I use to teach this concept:

Frequently Asked Questions

Why is a whisper more effective than yelling when trying to get attention?
A whisper asks the listener to actively lean in and engage, while yelling just adds more noise to an already loud situation. The effort required to hear a whisper is what makes people focus.

How does this apply to leading and following in partner dance?
It means making your connection, movement, and stretch more subtle rather than more forceful. Leaders adjust their steps to match where the follower actually is; followers feel and match the leader’s actual movement instead of assuming the basic step size.

What is the biggest obstacle to real connection in partner dancing?
Ego. Insisting that your way of dancing is the way your partner should dance creates a ceiling, even for high-level dancers, because it prioritizes being right over meeting your partner where they are.

What does “seek first to understand, then to be understood” mean in a dance context?
It means leading in a way that lets you follow your partner’s interpretation of your lead, and following by feeling for where your partner actually is rather than where you expect them to be.

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The West Coast Swing Small-Step Drill for Better Connection

The Small-Step Drill Every West Coast Swing Dancer Needs to Master

In West Coast Swing, your baseline step size should be about the length of your own foot. Staying inside that small step is what lets the connection between leader and follower switch cleanly between **A-frame** and **V-frame** — and it’s the difference between a dance that flows and one that fights itself.

Why Step Size Matters in West Coast Swing

When both dancers take small steps, nothing gets missed. Leaders have plenty of time to prepare and deliver their lead, and followers arrive at that lead with the energy and timing they need to execute the figure cleanly. Small steps aren’t about looking dainty — they’re what make the connection legible in real time.

What Happens When Step Sizes Don’t Match

Step size only works as a system if both partners commit to it. If one dancer takes the right-sized steps and the other doesn’t, the dance limps along and most leads get lost along the way.

– **If the follower takes giant steps:** the leader has to work much harder to send strong, clear signals just to get a response.
– **If the leader is the giant-stepper and the follower stays tight:** the follower ends up doing all the work to keep up and interpret the lead.

Either way, mismatched step size breaks the shared timing that West Coast Swing depends on.

The Small-Step Drill: 6-Count and 8-Count Patterns

This drill is built to help both leaders and followers train smaller steps without losing musicality. It runs through the two major footwork patterns in West Coast Swing — the 6-count and the 8-count — and ends with a whip that rewards both partners for keeping their steps small.

The catch: you only make it to the payoff at the end of the whip if you keep your steps small the whole way through. Big steps break the drill before you get there.

How to Run the Drill

1. Get into a normal West Coast Swing slot with your partner.
2. Set the rule before you start: no step longer than the length of your own foot.
3. Run the 8-count whip, focusing on stepping with your partner’s connection on each step.
4. Run the 6-count pattern with the same focus.
5. Finish by leading/following the whole sequence  — if your steps stayed small throughout, you and your partner should arrive at the end in sync, with the connection intact.
6. Reset and repeat, gradually adding musicality once the step size feels automatic.

 Frequently Asked Questions

**How big should your steps be in West Coast Swing?**
About the length of your own foot. That size gives both partners enough time to prepare and deliver a lead, and enough time to receive and execute it.

**What happens if my partner’s steps are a different size than mine?**
The dance loses timing. A giant-stepping follower forces the leader to send harder, more forceful signals to get a response. A giant-stepping leader forces the follower to work overtime to catch and interpret the lead.

**What are A-frame and V-frame in West Coast Swing?**
They’re the two basic connection shapes between partners — A-frame is a connection with tension pulling the partners together (like the sides of the letter A), and V-frame is a connection where the arms extend outward with space between partners (like a V). Small, consistent steps are what let a couple switch between the two smoothly.

**Who is this drill for?**
Any West Coast Swing dancer working on connection — beginners building the habit of small steps, and more experienced dancers cleaning up footwork before adding musicality or styling.

Combine what you just practiced with the information from this article series 

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*Written by Mr. Jonathan, West Coast Swing instructor based in Salem, NH. A 23 year veteran swing dancer, coach, and competitor.

Want to learn how to swing dance? Join our weekly Thursday night class at the Roma Restaurant 29 Middlesex St, Haverhill, Ma from 6:45-7:45pm with guided practice till 8:30pm…It’s a drop in class with no signups and is pay as you go.  Here is a video of the basics

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The Power of Stretch in West Coast Swing | Mr Jonathan

Power of Stretch in WCS
Effortless is the way to describe West Coast Swing dancers when they move. There is just something about the dance that attracts so many. Off the top of your head you might be thinking, “Well, it looks cool,” or “There is a wide variety of music,” or even “I like that I can dress up or down for an event and still get a dance in.” These are all great attributes of WCS, but I think the engine that fuels the dance is the stretch in west coast swing.
Every teacher I ever had taught some variation of “back to go forward,” and they all had their own twist on why it’s important. The bottom line is that two things have to happen to be successful as a leader or a follower: energy production and connection.

Sum of the Parts Are Greater Than the Whole

Sprinters are not allowed to cross the start line already moving at top speed. They must have a static start, which limits the energy production at the beginning of their movement, but they have plenty of distance to reach top speed. Swing dancers have a slot that is roughly the length of three regular paces. More advanced dancers can achieve similar speed and power to a sprinter at top speed by using stretch in west coast swing with their partner and keeping their steps short.
Stretch happens in one of two ways: followers sending their hips back in complete opposition to their leader, or followers who simply hold their position in partial opposition until the stretch has occurred. Either approach will build up enough energy in the partnership to achieve real power and speed. That power and speed come out of connection, so we are both on the same page.

The Number-One Connection Killer

The number-one connection killer is the energy-sucking “long step.” This is mostly an issue with followers who are trying to emulate the speed and power they see on the dance floor. The attempt is to drive their bodies down the slot by moving their legs faster through a longer stride, completely independent of their leader. When this happens, the leader cannot feel the energy until it’s too late, because the energy did not start in connection. No one knows where anyone is, and the figure is doomed to failure.

Stella Can’t Lose Her Groove Though

I can’t stress enough the value of practicing solo and with music that you love. Connect something stretchy to a doorknob and practice feeling the band stretch before you move forward with a tiny step. Simply setting your intention on stretching and taking small steps, without the pressure of a partner in front of you, will change how you dance technically without removing the grooviness you have when you freestyle.
When you treat stretch as the true engine of West Coast Swing, everything else—speed, power, connection, and that effortless look—falls into place. Short steps and intentional opposition turn a three-pace slot into pure rocket fuel, while long, disconnected strides drain the dance of its magic. So practice the stretch, protect the connection, and keep the groove alive; the floor will feel bigger, your partners will feel lighter, and the dance will finally move the way it was meant to.

That shared stretch is also how two dancers replace ME with US: neither person forces the outcome, and both listen through the connection.

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Club JoEllen Purple Party – Country & Swing Dancing in Boston-My Origin Story

“Club JoEllen Purple Party – Country & Swing Dancing, Sunday Sept 13 2026, Boston area”

Club JoEllen Purple Party – Event Details

Date: Sunday, September 13, 2026
Location: Club JoEllen – Longfellow Club (Boston area) 524 Boston Post Rd Wayland, Ma
Theme: Purple Party – celebrating JoEllen and the Club JoEllen dancing legacy. If you have something purple, wear it. If you don’t, then don’t give it a second thought… JoEllen would have wanted you to come as you are!

Lesson: 6:15 Country 2-Step

Dance Party: 7-10pm

Cost: $20

My Dance Journey: From Dive Bar to Club JoEllen and Dancing in Boston

I started my lead‑and‑follow dance journey at the dive bar of dive bars, ten years after line dancing had seen its peak. The White Buffalo, once a staple for Country Music Television’s “Line Dancing Showcase,” was so run down that we 2‑stepped around collection barrels when it rained. You had a 50/50 shot, when asking someone to dance, that they knew how, so the culture was very relaxed and no one thought anything of teaching right on the dance floor. It’s how I learned the 2‑Step basics!

I had the dance bug and started taking private lessons from someone who came highly recommended. After a few lessons, my instructor Cathy took me on a field trip to the Longfellow Club. The dance floor was massive and gorgeous, the dancers ALL seemed to know what they were doing, the music was intoxicating, and the partners were endless… I had found my new spot!

How I Became a DJ at Club JoEllen

After a year, of dancing at the Longfellow Club, I had discovered and collected enough music to ask JoEllen, the dance coordinator, for an audition to be one of her DJs. My buddy Paul let me play six songs after his 2‑Step mixer. I brought my A‑game and landed a 5th‑Sunday trial spot.

At my second audition, I played some music that I had always wanted to dance to, and judging from the response I got, I was in the minority. Before the night ended, I rallied with some old favorites and won the crowd back over, but JoEllen pulled me aside and had some gentle but choice words for me.

“You have some amazing music, but tonight you played stuff that was ‘too cool’ for the room. We have plenty of Boston country and swing dancers that enjoy newer songs, but just as many love the old favorites. I need you to consider making a bunch of sh*t sandwiches if you are going to experiment. Play an old stand by then a new song and finish with another old stand by. Music is the most important thing in dancing, and if you can’t play to your crowd, you can’t play here. I have you booked for the next 5th Sunday and I trust that will be enough time for you to figure your set out.”

She was coaching me and at the same time warning me as to how important my next showing was. Back then, Sunday nights drew 150–200 dancers, and the program was vibrant. Every year, three or four new DJs would try out and the rotation almost never changed unless someone quit or moved away.

My next showing, I played to my crowd. I paid attention to how many people danced to each song, and I wore them all out. That performance cemented every 5th Sunday for me and eventually earned me a residency on the second Sunday of every month.

JoEllen’s Legacy and the Birth of Club JoEllen

JoEllen passed tragically in 2005, and the club was renamed “Club JoEllen” in her honor. Her favorite color was purple, so our DJ tablecloth was purple and proudly displayed “Club JoEllen” on the front. Her favorite 2‑Step was Shania Twain’s “Forever and For Always,” and to this day it will pack the dance floor in that club.

COVID ended my 16‑year residency as DJ and my eight‑year run as the Sunday night 2‑Step/WCS instructor. Club JoEllen lives on with the help of Steel Shane and Alan Gaskell running dances when they can, but the program is not what it used to be.

Rebuilding the Boston Country & Swing Dance Community

My hope is to bring back all of the old friends that danced back in the day and introduce them to the new batch of dancers that enjoy all of the same dances now. Together I think we can rebuild this community!

Lesson and Dance Schedule

The lesson at 6:15 pm will not only be 2‑Step, but it will be the very first lesson plan that I ever taught in that space.

The party after will run from 7:00–10:00 pm and will feature:

  • 2‑Stepping

  • East Coast Swing (ECS)

  • Waltz

  • Night Club 2

  • Cha‑Cha

  • West Coast Swing (WCS)

We will have a 2‑Step mixer and will all dance a tribute to JoEllen with her favorite song.

Invite Your Dance Friends

My hope is that if you are reading this, you send it to someone you know who used to attend those parties or someone who would appreciate great music in that epic dance space. Share this event with your Boston‑area dance friends, country dancers, and West Coast Swing folks So we can celebrate JoEllen’s Boston dancing legacy….Together we can fill that floor again and celebrate everything JoEllen built.

If you want to improve your WCS dancing check out my 3 part series on dancing with straight legs, how to, and the body mechanics behind the why.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3